Book Wrangler

August 22, 2005

By Bob Patterson

When the guys would gather in the home of a young lady of our acquaintance some of the debates would get heated.  When things reached the boiling point the participants who vehemently disagreed with "Joe," would want to hit him; but being considerate hooligans, they did not want to break his glasses in the process, so they would say: "Take off your glasses, Joe."  Joe would oblige his pals and the discussion would resume - and they would punctuate it with punches.  The rule was: this could only occur in certain designated areas of the house. 

This odd bit of horseplay came to mind recently when a Hausfrau came looking for a verbal confrontation with a renowned fighter pilot.  He went running off to his rabbit hole, which is a rather remarkable way for a fighter pilot to react. 

A while back the Book Wrangler learned that an author, Steve Almond, would be also be attending a literary event.  Since we had previously written a review that upset him, we wondered just how he would express his displeasure when we met.  As it turns out, he was more concerned with the possibility of generating positive publicity for his new book, The Evil B.B. Chow And Other Stories, than with any past reviews.

We promised earlier this year to read and review The Rebel by Jack Dann, but we have been remiss in our duty to finish reading every word of the book and turn in the aforementioned review.  He's asked us about the feasibility of getting together for lunch the next time he's in the Southern California area.  What's the worst that can happen if he's upset with my reneging on the delivery of the review?

Once many moons ago, a young lady driving a big SUV pulled a driving stunt that amounted to bullying her way in front of the company minitruck the columnist was driving.  When the two vehicles arrived at a red light, further up the street, they were side by side.  She realized that the columnist might deliver a few choice words.  The window on the shotgun side slid up but not all the way.  Apparently she wanted to see how I'd respond.  Some guys would use the opportunity to say some naughty words.  I opted for: "Why don't you pick on trucks your own size!"  She hesitated a moment or two to see if I would call her a name.  Then she took a sip of her Pepsi and I address her as: "Slick!"  She blew Pepsi out her nose on that one.

Speaking of confrontations, Dick Cheney has famously said: "He can run; but he can't hide." 

Did the Bush Junta try the old ploy of yelling: "Come out, come out, wherever you are!"

After the 2004 election, president Bush was asked why Osama hasn't been apprehended.  The President replied: "Because he's hiding."

Why doesn't Cindy Sheehan use one of Hunter S. Thompson's lines from Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas: "You can run, but you can't hide!"  (Page 85)

Eventually Dubya will go back to Washington and, apparently, so will Ms. Sheehan.  Will her advisers take her in the direction Father Robert Drinan took ("It isn't another Vietnam!") and run her for Congress - so that she can be in Washington trying to get "face time" with the president, but not have to sleep in Lafayette Park?

She comes from a Congressional District with a Democratic Party representative, but couldn't she establish residency in another district with a Republican representative who is considered "vulnerable?"

"I said what I meant and I meant what I said."  How long did Horton intend to sit on those eggs? 

Speaking of books, Just Above Sunset's coach has signaled from the dugout for me to get to the part where some new books are mentioned.

Losing Moses on the Freeway: The 10 Commandments in America by Chris Hedges  ($24 Free Press)  [Note for the regular readers:  Go SPHS class of '61!]

God vs. the Gavel by Marci A. Hamilton  ($28 Cambridge University Press)

A Matter of Opinion by Victor S. Navasky ($27 Farrar, Straus, and Giroux)

Offshore: The Dark Side of the Global Economy by William Brittain-Catlin  ($25 Farrar, Straus, and Giroux)

Madame Bovary's Ovaries: A Darwinian Look at Literature by David P. Barash, Nanelle R. Barash  ($24 Delacorte Press)

The New Quotable Einstein edited by Alice Calaprice, Freeman Dyson (Foreword), Albert Einstein  ($14.95 Princeton University Press)

Democracy Matters: Winning the Fight Against Imperialism by Cornel West  ($24.95 Penguin Books)

Generation Kill: Devil Dogs, Iceman, Captain America, and the New Face of American War by Evan Wright  ($24.95 Putnam)

The Last Time The Last True Story I'll Ever Tell:  An Accidental Soldier's Account of the War in Iraq by John Crawford ($23.95 Riverhead) 

The Dragon Slayer With a Heavy Heart: A Powerful Story About Finding Happiness and Serenity... Even When You Really, Really Wish Some Things Were Different by Marcia Powers  ($12  paperback Wilshire Book Company)  [If you give a Christmas gift to the president, perhaps he needs this book?]

A Perfect Red: Empire, Espionage, and the Quest for the Color of Desire by Amy Butler Greenfield  (26.95 HarperCollins)

The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari: A Fable About Fulfilling Your Dreams & Reaching Your Destiny by Robin Sharma, and Robin S. Sharma  ($13.95 paperback HarperSanFrancisco)

Cobra: The Shelby American Original Archives 1962-1965 by Dave Friedman, Inc Shelby American (Corporate Author)  ($24.95 Motorbooks International)

There's a line in The Skin Of Our Teeth, by Thornton Wilder that says: "My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither, but just enjoy your ice cream while it's on your plate – that's my philosophy."

Now, while the disk jockey plays Stagger Lee, we'll fight our way through the crowd and out of here.  It's too early to predict what next week's column will be about, you'll have to come back to find out.  Until then, have a nice day for each of the seven days.

Copyright © 2005 – Robert Patterson

Email the author at worldslaziestjournalist@yahoo.com