World’s Laziest Journalist

8/1/04

By Bob Patterson

While every member of the blog-gulag coagulated in Boston to ascertain if Ralph Nader would pull a come-from-behind upset victory like no other, the Just Above Sunset crew was left to man the ramparts of Los Angeles looking for items of interest that will amaze our readers and astound the folks at the website that is fact-checking the election contest.  [Our August 29 column will be in the form of an open letter to the folks who are writing all the material used on that website.  We hope to put them to the test.  If they can’t settle some questions that have been bothering us (where and when did he get F-102 training?) then who can?]

With all the media attention focused on Boston, one might think that there was no media news at all happening in LA.  Readers of the LA Observed website know better.

The dog days are a good time for columnists to do a “clear the desk” episode where they use up some interesting material that wasn’t strong enough to be a topic only a “brief item.”

Should the sales oriented content on talk shows these days be dubbed: promobabble? 

Speaking of “promobabble,” after last week’s search for the place that used to be a White Castle hamburger franchise, we petitioned the Just Above Sunset accounting department for permission to incur some expenses in search for LA’s best hamburger.  (Their only response was a recording of the latest Capital One TV ad, that advises “NO is company policy.”)  As soon as the funds to bankroll this public service quest for knowledge arrives, we will commence the search.

Speaking of meals in LA, we read that Janis Joplin had her last meal at Barney’s Beanery.  Joplin fans are the target audience for the new documentary Festival Express.  The web site is here.

Did you know that the 1936 Olympics were televised?  It wasn’t live coverage.  They had movie cameras on top of trucks.  The film went down into the truck where it was developed.  The negative images were reversed electronically and broadcast on a one minute delay basis.

The folks who “just don’t get it” are the ones who see Michael Moore’s documentary Fahrenheit 9/11 and wonder how the book My Pet Goat ends.

Is it a Southern Cal idiom to use the word “kemp” when talking about custom cars?

Do you want your guitar case to look like a coffin?

Speaking of running items for friends, we are told that a musical porn version of Misty Beethoven is available from VCApictures.com

Wasn’t the Democratic convention invigorating?  It did leave one big question: Is the Boston location where it was held, named for a company that’s famous for enemas?

One of this columnist’s more memorable attempts to become rich and famous occurred when we dabbled in writing country music.  Our best attempt was about a cowboy who was going to commit suicide (maybe after hearing Waylon Jennings’ “I Think I’m Gonna Kill Myself”) but stops when he sees a picture of Paris (France not Texas) and goes there seeking a job on the oil rig they have in the center of town (it’s an eyeful towering above the neighboring buildings.)  The folks there did name a church there after a famous American college football team, so they can’t be all bad, eh?

New millennium nostalgia?  Is my HomeGrocer.com refrigerator magnet worth any big bucks  yet?  How long do we have to wait before some of the free comic books from the first annual free comic book day are valuable collectors items?

The news and Jonathan Winters?  The famous comedian had a 15-minute show that shared the same half hour with the network news, according to page 314 of The Complete Directory To Prime Time Network TV Shows by Tim Brooks And Earle Marsh.   These days, returning to that format of news, Jonathan Winters seems like a good idea.

Years from now when William Safire, in his On Language column for the Sunday magazine section of the New York Times, is doing autopsies for all the various blog based words, who will get credit for inventing blogernaut?  When bloggers get aggravated is it a case of bloggravation?  Now that the field is so crowded, can we call it the blog-gulag?  Is a collection of the terms bloggers use, with a definition, a blogtionary?  If blogging drives you to drink, is the libation used called a ration of blog-grog?  When guys follow a link to a photo that shows a scantily clad lass, when they look at that image can they be said to be blogling her assets?

(As a preliminary version of this column was being written, the KNX reporter on the scene in Boston was saying that the Bush folks think that one of their strong points is George W.’s record on fighting terrorism.  Isn’t that a bit like fans trying to get Marvelous Marv Throneberry into the Baseball Hall of Fame?  [We’re just asking a question, not expressing an opinion.]  They point out that Throneberry played baseball.  He was famous, so why isn’t he in the Baseball Hall of Fame?)

[ Editor’s Note - Marv Throneberry, Marvin Eugene Throneberry (Marvelous Marv)…  His careers statistics here may be why. ]

November is coming are you ready for the annual group effort to promote the writing of novels by all the participants?

Each year, here in Los Angeles, the LA Police Historical Society holds an awards dinner as a fund raising event.  The awards they give out are the Jack Webb Awards.  Dah, daah dot dah.

The Fly-in at Oshkosh is underway, but what’s up for next weekend?

The New York Times has reminded its readers that next weekend the Steinbeck Festival will be held in Salinas, California.

Motorcyclists will have to make a choice.  Steinbeck or Harleys?  Some will choose to muster in Custer and then head out to Sturgis. 

Now, if the disk jockey will put on the Easy Rider soundtrack album, we’ll (electra) glide on out of here.  Have a hassle free week.

_________________

Copyright © 2004 – Robert Patterson

We asked veteran journalist Bob Patterson for a bio and he sent this along: 

Bob was born and raised in Scranton, Pennsylvania.

Graduated from the University of Scranton in . . . make that "way back when."

He has worked as a reporter and photographer for daily newspapers in California, Nevada, and Pennsylvania.  During the "way back when" phase of his life.

Did photo stringing for the AP’s Los Angeles bureau in the seventies.

Has done some freelance work.

Held other jobs to pay the rent and provide meals money.

Has written book and movie reviews, and columns for Delusions of Adequacy online magazine for the last four years.

Recently the DOA management reportedly traded him to the Just Above Sunset online magazine team for an undisclosed sum and two future draft choices.